This one is for you.

The days are a succession of images, moods, impressions; filmreels or slow montages; fleeting sights and senses captured briefly, some remembered later, fewer written down. It begins with blue sky, seen through the high rectangular window in the shower, cut by the sharp white angles of adjacent roof and windowframe, and traversed by the tiny white arrow of an airplane, so distant as to be almost imperceptible, following a line as straight as the rooftop, orthogonal. Then a blur — nothing until the walk homeward, which is mostly the realization that tentative snow has begun to fall, and the consequent upturning of eyes and lashes. There is also music, a song that has been floating about for days, this circular design, followed by others, a curious sudden attention to the words, I’ve been wading in the velvet sea, accompanied by a similar pointedness of feeling, as though disembodied, observing oneself walking homeward, past couples in restaurants, completely transfixed by the impossible slowness with which the snow seems to fall in the crepuscular light, under the orange cones of streetlamps. This happens again, later, on the way back from the coffeeshop, steaming cup held firmly in both bare hands, eyes uplifted, lips catching enormous flakes by accident. Somewhere in between is a memory, an astonishment at the way hands fit together, some kind of exercise in permutations, at the sheer human capacity for holding oneself together when the situation seems more conducive to flying apart in a goddamned sunburst, all directions — still a good thing however you look at it.
And, in the background, a simple organ part and ooohs in three-part harmony suggest a melody: If you’re just staring at your walls…

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2 thoughts on “This one is for you.

  1. Speaking of which…
    I did a bit of scraping up of some not so recent info on subjunctive mood (it being close to impossible to research the subjunctive outside of “no so recent”) and am reminded that it is almost entirely confined within the one verb form “were” in modern parlance, further provoking my confidence in the outcome agreement of our recent conversation. PERHAPS it is poss8ible in the modern state to apply the subjunctive to the verb “to have” but it seems questionable (cite your example and why it hit your ‘reader’s ear’ wrong right through the pupil of your eye). “If,” it is true, is a sure hint of the subjunctive, but it is not a certain hint that the subjunctive is present. “If it were” we would all reel among our scanily clad verbs very much “out of time” and all of us in a clamoring confusion about what is/was/might be meant. This is tense. ;-D

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