“Millar, Mueller, Ortiz… Who are these guys?!”

J. P. Licks offers a Cherry Garcia knockoff flavor, which used to be called ‘Cherry Garciaparra,’ after the former shortstop for the Boston Red Sox. When the Sox traded Nomar, most J. P. Licks locations crossed out the ‘Garciaparra’ and replaced it with ‘Varitek,’ after the Sox’s catcher (and now team captain).
Now, ‘Cherry Varitek’ doesn’t exactly have the same ring to it as ‘Cherry Garciaparra,’ and the Licks folks knew it. So of course they were sensible and changed it to ‘Cherry Francona’ (after Sox Manager Terry) as soon as the thought occurred to them. This is how it appears, purportedly, in most of the J. P. Licks locations around Boston — I can personally verify that it is so in Davis Square.
Thus, you can imagine my surprise when, grabbing a cone from the Newbury Street location a few weeks ago, I was forced to order something called ‘Cherry Ortiz,’ which — and no offense to Big Papi here, ’cause he da man — makes no sense whatsoever.
Somebody please explain what is going on in the addled brains of those MassArt kids.

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5 thoughts on ““Millar, Mueller, Ortiz… Who are these guys?!”

  1. Yes, the Davis Square location has had the Francona name since the trade, as far as I know. I never saw “Varitek” there, in any case.
    (I don’t actually know who you are — I just happened upon this page, but since you asked, and I knew, figured I’d answer. Hi. šŸ™‚

  2. Hey, Jude, welcome! =) Sorry I’ve been operating in mostly-content-free mode these past few weeks. Feel free to mosey on back in the future.
    I’ve long suspected that some sort of alternate-reality field existed on Newbury Street, where people are dressed up all the time and everything costs twice as much as normal. (Maybe it’s just an economic distortion field.)
    Anyway, Davis Square rocks.

  3. Man, that’s so weird. Cherry Francona is clearly the way to go, yet the original JP location (ah! revelation! hence the “JP” in “JP Licks”!) is sporting this Ortiz business. Do the soda jerks get to choose?
    Sadly the JP Licks web site gives no flavor information which might provide a clue to some sort of standard nomenclature.
    In other ice cream news, I tried the Green Monster (a frappe with vanilla and mint) last week, and it was delicious. I highly recommend.

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