From the Putz archives…

In honor of JCB’s visit, TFazio’s NSF, and the fact that this has been stuck in my head all day, I give you a TFazio classic: The Jeffrey C. Barrett Song, to the tune of “David Duchovny.”

It’s Sunday night
I am tooling in the lounge
Correct analysis for the junior lab I’m trying to scrounge
I wander up and down the hall
Knowing eventually I’ll fall
Into his room, where he’s there punting our next oral
And I can’t wait anymore for him to prepare it
I need this lab from Jeffrey C. Barrett
Jeffrey C. Barrett, why won’t you prepare it, why won’t you prepare it?
I ask him questions
As I’m trying not to spaz
But all he says to me
is “fux quux mux” and “foo bar baz”
In the cluster, dark and dull
Out of my ass I try to pull
The answers, but all I get are his metasyntactic variables
And I can’t wait anymore for him to prepare it
I need this lab from Jeffrey C. Barrett
Jeffrey C. Barrett, why won’t you prepare it, why won’t you prepare it?
He’s not really hot
But he hangs out with Scott
Together they build robots
And log onto Walker-Tray
And when they’re hosed they play
Grand Theft Auto all day
‘Cause they’re ambiguously gaaayyyyy…
My backpack’s packed
We’ve latexed our entire oral exam
After a frustrating night
Our brains feel like leftover spam
But I’m not complaining; all in all,
Jeff’s a good lab partner, and when I feel small,
He cheers me up and then he gives me lots of alcohol
And I appreciate that he’s willing to share it
‘Cause I need it bad from Jeffrey C. Barrett
Jeffrey C. Barrett, nice of you to share it, nice of you to share it
Jeffrey C. Barrett, don’t wanna stare at it
I won’t bug you, I swear it,
Why won’t you prepare it?
Jeffrey C. Barrett, please simply prepare it,
And while you’re still at it,
Please KILL KT’S PARROT!
Jeffrey C. Barrett, why won’t you prepare it?
Why won’t you prepare it?
Why won’t you prepare it?
I’ll be waiting…
In the cluster…

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