Take me out to the restroom.

At yesterday’s Brewers-Twins game at Miller Park, I took advantage of the multi-song seventh-inning stretch to avail myself of the restroom facilities, as I was scoring the game and didn’t want to miss a pitch, and needed desperately to relieve myself. The PA system was blasting out “God Bless America,” and many people were standing and stretching and some were singing. As I made my way down the aisle, someone in the seats behind me called out:
“Look at that, she’s disrespecting our national anthem!”
I was shocked, confused, and no little measure of annoyed. Call me crazy, but I’ve always been under the impression that the national anthem is traditionally sung at the beginning of the ballgame, during the opening ceremonies, before they call “Play ball!” and the first pitch is thrown. Call me opinionated, but I think “God Bless America” is simply not as good a song as “The Star-Spangled Banner” (our national anthem, for those of you out there who might have forgotten), which had been sung (beautifully, beautifully!) by a youth choir a couple of hours prior to that moment. Call me disrespectful, but, while I always take off my hat for our national anthem, you won’t ever catch me putting my hand over my heart for “God Bless America.” (“America the Beautiful,” sure — but that’s an amazing song, and at least Katherine Lee Bates had a mastery and appreciation for the beauty of complex English sentence structure, which is more than I can say for Irving Berlin and his “oceans white with foam . . . home sweet home.”) Call me traditional, but I think the seventh-inning stretch is for “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” (and, when you’re in Wisconsin, “Roll Out the Barrel”), both of which they played after G.B.A.; and I blame the infection of the ballgame with same entirely on George Steinbrenner, the M.F.N.Y.Y.s and their need to rest their pitcher just a wee bit longer, Ronan Tynan, and the City of New York’s general post-9/11 need to forcefully and publically champion and empathize with every crisis. (Did you see that the players were wearing the Virginia Tech logo on their caps during Wednesday’s game? They better have given that school a hell of a lot of money, that’s all I can say. How tacky.)
As for the poor fool who mistook my need to urinate and its coincidence with the playing of G.B.A. over the loudspeakers with some kind of anti-Americanism, well, perhaps he needs a little civics refresher. What kind of a patriot can one be if one can’t even recognize one’s own country’s national anthem? Kneejerk patriotism is good for neither self, nor God, nor country.
I made it back to my seat just as “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” was starting up. The Brewers won, I got to stretch for two songs, and I didn’t miss a single pitch. Oh, and the kielbasa won the sausage race.


One thought on “Take me out to the restroom.

  1. 4 points for this entry!
    1. Putting faux patriots in their place.
    2. Dissing the MFNYY
    3. Commenting on the sausage race.
    4. Sheer cheek!

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